Its all away

You want to find the truth
in and out of doubt

you have to wash your face
your hands they have grown weak

and pain binds you...

just to release fear in me

who are we?

when night ends and our flaws are revealed
our hearts scream... is it true do you love me the same in light?

shame we hide again
but he has found a way into who we are

next to me there you are
in my loneliness is your soundless love
there i see you die

again and again

there you die

again and again

just to wish
my pain away
my fear away
my shame away

but i remain

The Stranger in The Mirror

When I look at myself in the mirror

I didn't see me...

I saw some stranger

the stranger on they other side was Different
his hair has faded
his skin was cracked

and i cant breath the same air he does
yet we run into each other everyday

i cant hear his voice and he doesn't seem to think
he just looks at me as if he was surprised to see me again
yet excited

daily.. i walk into the room to see him looking at me
his eyes content ..as if he saw someone he knew and wanted to say hello
but confused because he's shocked that i dont seem to remember him

im confused as well..

see..
because reflections speak the same words
yet he has none!

and because im told that reflection is me
but he isn't

when i saw him in the mirror
i didnt see me

i saw a stranger.. a stranger that im not
but a stranger i will become

because when i die to myself

that stranger will be me

whoever he is

in the end...

Sometimes life get so full, filled up to the top
to drown in the sorrow is nothing complex.. its just drowning
here pain is like waking up.. it will happen to you sooner or later

here's a pen and here's my paper
whiting down words so you could taste or savor
but they're to bitter for your liking...

...and sometimes when life is empty
we live in pain but at least we can breath
because drowning is easy 'cuz your already down here

nothings clear
and we could fear life
but not when your near this edge

Solitude

safe inside me i will die alone
my wings are free, free from you

deeper and deeper you've scratched me to watch me bleed
burned me alive, tossed me away just to watch me scream

can you see me when day turns to night
here we sit in the dark with you

can you feel the day slip into night
here we sit with our solitude

(not done)

Door Slam

There's a room

cold and lonely room
locking him away

he's a shade of blue painted over Grey

He asked himself if this was the way to go
bleeding is a dream all inside its own...

here the knife has kissed his burning skin
falling is not sleep, death was there to win

so secretly he became insane ...

"simple little freak life was never sane"

...

spinning around and then upside down
drinking to live but life was never found

...

Shhh...There's a room

cold and lonely room
locking him away

Saturday, December 15, 2007 Sometimes

Sometimes i forget im here
stuck in this so called life
i cry to forget it all
but like yesterday
still and blue
i look up at the sky
and only see you
alone and cold
like the moon
Soflty shining it was out of the dark

yeah ...I just got bored
so how is the world today
...me confused and ...i dont know
just feel out of place ....

well bye

Friday, August 03, 2007 Not A Suicide Note

Not A Suicide Note
By Jimmy Lopez

What do we do when it's all said and done
do we runaway or stay to only find out we're unimportant
The week is over and all I can feel is falling apart
Trust...Love...Friendship
It all seems unreal
To fall asleep and awaken in the arms or sorrow
whats the point in waking up right?
If I forget how to smile
I can look back into the past
Whos to help a person like me
Who has the time to mend somthing this broken?
You think all you have to do is listen
...Tell It lies...
...Say what it wants to hear...
Right?
okay ..One = Himself
Me alone like always
we all fuck up some more then others
but we all know our fuck ups
Here Listen to this
Drugs = Happiness
Cuts = Stressless
Death = Peace
When scars remind us that you know nothing but saddness
makes it seem like pain is our Best Friend
I guess what i'm saying is that
whos "real" anymore
Real Friend, Person, Whatever
All my life I've been stuck with people who dont give a damb about me
and I'm done being used
sometimes I dont want "friends"
cuz I dont like being left Behind
but maybe they dont leave me behind maybe I just can't keep up
but then again maybe they dont want me to
maybe the only reason they move or go so fast is because they got sick of me
To tell you the truth sometimes i think this is all just bad dream
but why am i still waiting for the day i wake up
Have you ever thought that maybe when we "Die" or "Pass Away"
we're not dead we just woke up from a Nightmare
I Want To Wake Up From Mine
The Perfect Nobody
Jimmy

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

- Paint me dead part 1
all poems by Jimmy Lopez

He Peeks Through the darkness
to make me Bleed with his eyes
His hands can't touch me
But I still Scream
His face frozen still breaths behind my neck
and he paints me dead with his soul

Still There
Life a Childs innocence
I'm afriad of the thought of you...
to leave me when i need you
thats never somthing new
A Story Of Me...
In Hope for a happy ending
taken over by my solitude
why not keep pretending
...you still there...

Tuesday, July 08, 2008 Just Me

It comes to save me when im sad, But like a emotionless poem
word written down to express nothing but a upside down smile
get pretty old
"Im Home?"
so if i breath in a place were no one wants you there anymore
is it a place worth staying ?

here i sleep on a bed thats hatefully given to me
a room to lock their guilt away

and to make me smile i stay away
were only i can say im good enough

were i know that love will be given to me

Again?

It Come to save me when im sad, But like a day in the rain to cry so no one know im upset i stay
in the rain to forget how much i hate you....

Man this was some random stuff!

Monday, July 21, 2008 I Guess I’ll Learn "To Say Goodbye"

To Say GoodBye

-Jimmy

I fear the day the day I smile

I know by now how to handle pain

but the game of happiness is a whole new level

when that blissful moment comes to an end how will I cope

and learn to loose that friend

"I'll miss you"

When your gone

and knowing you know as much as you do

…will I be just another story to add to your list

I'll find a moment a moment of hate

just to hate you

just to make that goodbye

... easy easier ...

will you loose as much sleep as I will

or are you looking forward for that day to come to an end

and sleep again in your old life before you came

If it hurts this much right now to think about it

I don't want to know how much it'll hurt that day…

I barley know you my friend

…Can I even call you one if that's so?

But I don't to say goodbye

I don't want to see another one go

But I guess I'll learn to say goodbye again

The Perfect Nobody

-Jimmy

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 Time

Time

-JimmyLopez

Time consumes me to a still moment

Were everything stays the same just to help me cope

To make me believe I'll be okay for good now

Because time increases hope

They always say they'll be there

But really time changes hope

Left in that moment alone

Do I really need anyone anymore?

I rather leave say goodbye first

Before I have to pretend that I wont miss you

That I'm okay now

That I'll be fine cause I know your always going to be there

But I'm not

Misunderstanding everything…

How was this life was supposed to be lived?

And were did I turn wrong now

What do I end up doing to hurt this much again

I HATE this fake smile plastered on my face

With just one look back and no feeling to help replace

The thought of you

I'll watch the sunset go

But unlike everything else I know It'll come back soon

…but will I

Should I really stay and see if time will change everything again

Or go some were new leave everything behind

And start over

Everyone needs a fresh start at one point in their life…right?

Or do we have to deserve it?

I cant take this anymore

Just want to change everything

Before time gets to it first and claws my heart and helps it bleed

Monday, September 22, 2008 Dont Know Why

Dont Know Why

-Jimmy

In time i cry under the day
I try to sleep emtpy minded
Slowly finding how to forget all of you

Theres no more sun, I burn in your lie
Hidden inside the moon, how will I survive

Persevering everything
but try to forget your existence
and the new feeling I experience
just break me in half
I lay down to cry even more

to rethink everything inside these thoughts
do you really care?
its been awhile I know
but how come I feel so empty out of no were
we all think life is easy as soon time start ticking
we don't think its the same anymore is it?

focusing day to day
taking every step even slower
so i dont fall from the motion
that life brings me and bring all you
but i cant stand alone
but i dont want you to
should i stand in alone
detach from all you...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 GoodNight...

GoodNight
-By Jimmy

so many day I cry myself to sleep
and I dream to deep so some light I could see
inside all these thoughts is no more me...
its just a me I never get to see in life

...I can't speak to you, just to speak now
but I can wish for somthing new...yet nothings new
Nothings like you staying when I needed you the most
A weekend changed everything....

They say time heals and empty soul
yet I still lay in emptiness....
they also say I'll be fine because the day is almost over
yet the only difference in a day is when I say goodnight
Goodnight is the only difference between today and yesterday

and I still stay to watch the sunset inside you....
and memories still kill me slowly
even though they mean everything to me
It hurts when I hear you now....
I dont want to hurt myself again...
...So should I say goodbye
then sleep in my sheltered heart
The only thing I have left thats mine...

Busyness soon will take over you to
like time has no time for anyone
I lay under your sun
this last time

I'll say goodnight to you tomorrow

Saturday, September 27, 2008 No Point In September

No Point In September -By Jimmy Empty thoughts of clarity Spin back time and I seem to forget Everything I once understoond Turn black ... When this sentence disappear do you still know what I feel when dark consumes all of me can you read whats between the lines Ive written more then once? ... I've learn that nothing last forever And I'm still inside september ...I fall, turn gray, and fade ... and like every leaf falling I feel the wind push me down along them I fall down aswell

Wednesday, October 08, 2008 With Closed Eyes

With Closed Eyes
-By Jimmy

Where I lay to sleep is never home
I awaken in a dream to never want to sleep
Twisted nightmares go flat
but never make me runaway
yet still I turn and look back
such a waste of time...

your words flow as if they were mine
repeating simple sentences
and still I fake this smile
to me, to you

This day ends, my door shuts
My eyes rain like the sky in an April storm
and these thought I over think blindly
stay stuck and unexposed
I drown and sink under them
And still my eyes are closed

Thursday, October 16, 2008 Nothing Is Something

Nothing Is Something

-Jimmy

Holding on to everything slowly slipping away
their words leak like water when they got something to say
now even they've become half empty as well

Nothing in this world can understand this complex pain

Hard like a rock I fall on my knees
I pray to my god to take me now please…

Yet I still sleep a few hours and awaken with

this heart beat
I sink under my thoughts, it gets harder to breath
and they can't see how far they pushed me down this time

It's always me

Guessing….

I'm wrong in my understanding
and maybe got no clue
but how can you say one thing
and got the home I'm still looking for

Lets face the truth you aren't forever either…

Saturday, October 25, 2008 UnTitled Current

Untitled

-Jimmy

Step by step by step

Just another walk in the park

The sun embraced me for a while

Yet still I felt so cold

And the breeze felt like your whisper
hidden in my cry

But now I can't even smile
it's affected by your lie

Ticking with the time

I sit around to wait

But everything to me comes of or seems so fake

Now pending for a moment

To believe and trust in you

But you've been absent for so long now

And just like everyone else that's never something new

The ending of October

Were the stars dim from blue to black
faded memories are no longer welcomed
I know I miss but won't allow to come back

Here I stay and linger

Around the clear light ring of the moon
I hope to someday find home

And my soul to rest there to

Sunday, October 26, 2008 A Blind Promise

A Blind Promise

-JimmyL

Spoken words fade back to blue

When day ends and October cries white tears

You don't notice your unspoken lies

Left cold

Daylight seem so different

When it rest in your eyes

Nothing seems truthful

When you left this time

And I still miss old sentences

You said by night

Goodnight again

Unnoticed tears hidden in the dark

What's there to call mine

When you said you wouldn't forget

But you've forgotten

Another Blind Promise

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 Remember Thursday

Remember Thursday

-JimmyJ

I can remember the last real conversation we had

Where day was ending into silent dreams

But it was okay because you said

"Goodnight"

Where heart ace shimmered in the sky

And counted plains took them high

To help me forget I'm alone

And I add these several tears to the lake below

Where everyone's sorrow drowns alive

And I'll be okay because you said so

But I'm not

In public time disappears

As countless cars race by

In hope to push my pain in front of them

But that pain is mine

And that's my life

But it was okay that day

And I remember our last conversation we had

Where day ended into silent dreams

But it was okay because you said

"Goodnight"

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 134 Words That Made No Difference

134 Words That Made No Difference

-JimmyL

You're a whisper in August

Or an echo lost in thought

You faded before September

And obviously you forgot

I'm still alone in darkness

And this light is so dim

Now we're inside November

And our friendship has gone slim

When day ends, yes I miss you

Yet that won't change one thing

And before this day hits night soon

I already feel that sting

Life calls it a moment

My mind did also to

And yet you were only temporary

Lost in the full moon

And now I lay here coping

Because that's all I can do

Memories of all the good times

Are all that's left of you

And yes I still miss you

But that wont change one thing

And you remind me of last year

When I lost everything.

Friday, November 14, 2008 Time In Half

Time In Half -Jimmy Split moment to remind myself They never understood And it's still only a moment That I'm sure time only took When today happen slowly Let's cut you off of here I don't need anyone near this Simple sepia colored tone of my day You never seen the changes Of my sky no longer blue So I don't find a reason To want to see you soon Even if a moment is left for me, for you Your sorry isn't anything If you didn't know what to do

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 I'm Always Brought Back

About this poem:This is about me of course :) and also about always wanting to be alone because for some odd reason everything will someday come to in end and the quot "I was born alone I'll die alone" come to play in my head.

I'm Always Brought Back

-By Jimmy Lopez

winter can break a smile
calm the sun
make the wind blow

cold kisses frostbite my
long to love hope

and I choose to look down again

My eyes are blinded from anything that could be good
its like fear rushed back to block everything...

I once again misunderstood

That
Everything or forever means nothing and also temporary

now the sweetness of night its false romance
of how beautiful starts shine like tears of joy

remind me to for some odd reason not smile upon the memories
I've learned to timidly cherish openly

and now I stay here to only try to fall in love with my solitude I'd truly like to abandon

Saturday, December 20, 2008 (Do I) Have to Go...

Have To Go -Jimmy L. Could I stay a bit longer to see the world pass thru this window My problems seem much smaller when they're unseen Don't you think so? When Wednesday arrives I know life's not still But I feel empty inside… And what emotion do I have left to kill? I look over and over at the time 10 minutes have passed And I still don't want to leave I know this aint home But I feel okay right here And even if no ones near I don't worry if the days not clear …But Could I stay a bit longer to see this world pass thru these windows?

Monday, December 22, 2008 Dare To Hope

Dare To Hope
-Jimmy LopeZ

Word by word

I read the emotional poem inside your sentence

Its began with a joke, I couldn't smile

And ended with a mild rain fall

Cut in half

Just like my Hope I sometimes close

You dare us to open back those doors

But I still couldn't write inside your journal

Your name was lost inside mine a long time ago

And now the days go by so slow

I rather sleep then cry Hopelessly

But I still Hope for a better day around December

And when I can't seem to remember the good in life

I still Dare to Hope…

Monday, December 22, 2008 Dare To Hope

Dare To Hope
-Jimmy LopeZ

Word by word

I read the emotional poem inside your sentence

Its began with a joke, I couldn't smile

And ended with a mild rain fall

Cut in half

Just like my Hope I sometimes close

You dare us to open back those doors

But I still couldn't write inside your journal

Your name was lost inside mine a long time ago

And now the days go by so slow

I rather sleep then cry Hopelessly

But I still Hope for a better day around December

And when I can't seem to remember the good in life

I still Hope…

Sunday, December 28, 2008 Im Still Here

Im Still Here

-By Jimmy Lopez

I can't see through the blur of my tears

Blinding me for so long now

I've forgotten how the world looks like

And I count cars passing this bus stop

Why am I alone today?

Look at their smiles and also their eyes

They don't cry in this morning

But mine do…

They drive away all of them go somewhere

But I'm still here

And I try to believe that solitude is they place to be

On days like today

But I don't believe

And it's no dream but I can't sleep

When I'm already listening to my owns cries

You can't hear

But it's no time for sleep

And

I'm Still here waiting at this bus stop

I have no place to be

I hope you have a Merry Christmas

And please if you pass by me

Don't say those words to me

Just because I'm still here

Monday, December 29, 2008 But Then I Said I’m Sorry?

But Then I Said Im Sorry? -By Jimmy Lopez And he breaths his air calmly Like a still day in life When I can't smile He seems to relaxed to begin to care I slowly begin to not care as well I'm okay in this darkness because you placed me here And now that "I'm settled " You're no where near But I wont miss you when were face to face And I hold this secret locked in place Yet I said "I'm Sorry"? There's more then scared in this phrase But I seem to do everything wrong I'm the one who always seems to change That's what you claimed Under your sentence was less then what you call truth And I said "I'm Sorry" When you claimed you were trying to be there But were more then just absent And can't even realize it yourself But I was the only one who was sorry…

Monday, December 29, 2008 They’re There In...

Monday, December 29, 2008

They’re There In... They're There In... -by Jimmy Lopez Silent whispers hold this cry Eyes look inside my soul but I still wont tell Close my mouth to shush you but even if I were to want to Reading my lips is not simple… Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine… Someday Are there more then one…yes Rolling tong my words can't spill Every thought is mine to feel and so I do Throwing hints in every poem Here's the biggest one Every star had a promise they couldn't keep Regretting their actions Everyday I've done nothing wrong Nothing but if you want to know… There it is in the second to last word Here I lay in pain again because of the silent words I'm Sorry Waterfall of emotions fall from my eyes Over flooded my passion to want to live…but I do Regret Drowning in these thoughts of You…

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 Selfishly Me

Selfishly Me
-Jimmy Lopez

How can you say such words
you dont know how much you've been the reason
to why I hate myself now
both of you dont understand how much I'd love to bleed alseep

and now "I love you" is a joke

Yes, Im sorry for wasting our time
but you'll never know how much it hurts to awaken in a place so dim
and my hope now has gone frail and slim

I'm sorry for worrying for myself and "being selfish"
When all I really got is me
I'm the little bit of home I got left

life loves you both of you I don't got much to worry for
Time has helped you become strong
but all you do still is say I'm wrong

Your voice is a curse to my heart
The great, life keeps getting on your part
Brings me to the title you've given me...

but whos really being selfish in the dark?

Thursday, January 01, 2009 Secret Suicide

Secret Suicide
Current mood: blah
Category: Writing and Poetry

About This Poem: it's just about feeling dead from the inside and not feeling like yourself anymore without anyone knowing you've in a way given up on yourself and your will to care. its not about killing yourself but about being lost inside that thought and the "what ifs"

Secret Suicide
-By Jimmy Lopez

Im not dead but
I fell in this liquid darkness
and drown within my own words

It dares me to Breath this pain
deeper then my bones

It calls me
Forms an hour so dark and near to death

I'd touch those razor kisses
but it leaves my heart a mess

I'd bleed within two minutes
away, I'd fade away

But I chose to believe in Someday
yet inside there's still no way

That eyes would open clearly
and dawn I'd want to see

but in me is a heart I've broken fonly
and now im not even Me...

Saturday, January 03, 2009 Why Did I Say Hello?

bout the poem:This poem is about a "friend"? i guess you could call him and its just about not really feeling the same or thinking about reaching an old friendship back and also wondering why/if you'd really want to either

Why Did I Say Hello?

-By Jimmy Lopez

Words looked for you in real life

Its a way to say "yes"

I've spoken to you Face to face

In a black and white format

But I couldn't fine you

I wanted to...

Just to feel alive again

Just to have someone to turn to

But I don't need this everyday hello at the same time

And It's not ever going to be the same

Even though today it felt like it

Its just one day

But Im sorry

I don't even know who you are anymore

Your voice sounds someone other then yourself

And its not you I see even if I were to look hard enough

And look deeper then the surface of your hello

Its not the same

So why did I say hello?

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 I Dont Care

About The Poem: This poem is about just being anger and letting people know you wont let them walk all over you ect...

its also about not being afriad to show everyone and anyone that you can stand up for yourself.

I Dont Care
-By Jimmy Lopez

Soundless footsteps marched into my mind
But I never knew I could be that person
Its an anger that builds deep inside and today
it help me stop the tears from flowing

outspoken
my anger thru words that for some odd reason
made me walk outside my heart

they cheer for the bad
and in that state I'm not sad or disappointed

I'm just the me I never knew I was

Its like a sting of hope in a rotten stage
helps me hold my head up high but a bit enraged

but I'm still me

It's a place where pain is not acceptable
tears don't rain
and being walked all over will and cant ever happen

its also a way to let yourself believe in false respect
but that's better then nothing…

Monday, January 12, 2009 Dear God

About This Poem: This was A letter I wrote to God yesterday
but I decided to turn it into a poem
HOPE you like it ...

Dear God
-By Jimmy Lopez

Mindless music sway my feet to the corner of my memories
It bleeds with the pulse of my heart to create its own beat of a time where I'm able to see where I belonged

Oh how I'd long to reach the fingertips of your truth
and seek an even deeper life with you

Its a hallway of scripture coded in the dark
could you brighten the words I haven't read

Help me feel alive again

Its to cold out to not notice the numbness of today
because only you see how false my happiness still is as I lay to sleep for tomorrow

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 Like The Day

Like TheDay

-By Jimmy Lopez

Why are my views like this again?

I know I'm not the only one in this position

But somehow I know I'm alone

My heart is heavy and spirit cold

Hunger to keep going slipping away

As time slows down even more

And this light, small light dimming

Reminding me it'll turn off soon

Nothing last forever

Just a reflection of the past

Like a scratch CD skipping

To replay the same thing over and over

Till it turns off

How do I turn off the noise inside my head?

A lonely bus ride home

Were everything is only temporary

I still have the guts to look outside the window

And I start to rain with the sky

To scream with the thunder

Don't want to live...

And die with the storm

Yet my one wish won't come true

Why are some of us picked to hurt this much?

And almost everyday simply sucks

Because in my world wind of thoughts

Struggling to brush the hairs of time off my face

And to try to shelter my every last bit of hope to this earthquake

To only give up, surrender to the pounds of life

So sharp like a steal razor that use to kiss my skin

Were to begin my unspoken story

To the beat I'd like to someday fade out of a lie

Inside my happiness

Tuesday, January 13, 2009-I AM JIMMY LOPEZ

ABOUT THIS POEM: THIS POEM IS ABOUT WHO I AM IN A WAY I AM JIMMY LOPEZ By: Jimmy Lopez Just me, myself and I I'm a kid lost in a world full of strangers Most of them I don't know Most of them I don't want to know Yet I always wonder who they are, who they might be Lost inside a possibility Only to remember I'm nobody but me Please don't forget me as December ends Everyday I fight with my Mind crazy like an animal locked in the Zoo I rather stay in stillness So calm like my old spirit My mind wonders off again Everyday I dream of paradise

Sunday, February 08, 2009-Understanding

I Try to understand

This music plays a song

whispering its silent memories



It speak to you and me

like midnight walks to dawn

and I begin to sing your quiet song



...take me with you...



like the day

I give away the reasons to hate myself

visible like morning

I cry to you



walking towards your everlasting love



I try to understand

the footsteps It takes to really look like you...

Today

These are word one written by a kid lost somewhere between darkness and death
he was silent but the pencil did all the screaming

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy

The Length of Time February 20, 2009

Why have days stretch out?

...so long

they seem to carry on
like a song so old you cannot stand
like a moment way to cruel it never ends

They stay...

They stay to watch me fall in love with dawn
though they know I want the mornings light and sun
but day, It only saddens and night it bitters me
stuck right in the between
when will you be able to see

That days are timed moment in our lives

and our lives are way to short

we caught ourselves on fire

and messes of all sorts

...

and day somehow still seem to long

Page One March-10-09

Page One

-By Jimmy

The sun is blinding even at night

I press soft on this clear page full of silent lines
soon to scream my truth as of today

and I thank you in this sentence
It's the only way I know how

But I'm still unsure about what I should feel...
It's another way to ask myself if your real

and I don't know....
Do I even want too?

Its the first page...
Page one
and I don't know what to say

My mind is cluttered in every way
but there's still and urge to say "Thank you"
So I Thank you in secret

Still I Thank You

...Today...